Practices to reconnect, release, and renew the soul after loss
Grief holds a sacred paradox between unbearable devastation and exquisite beauty—namely that of being alive. Grieving is its own soul healing ritual for times of loss. In grief, we are broken apart and put back together again. Some of us have the privilege of a living human support team to watch out for us in these times. If you don’t (and even if you do…) the ancestors can look after you as well. They are here to help us, and they do not ask for our toughness or sanity in return. There is no need to act “normal.” What’s normal for the dead anyway?
This is the thing about grief: it’s not to be done alone. We could spend the rest of our lives looking for the right person to support us and maybe never find them. Many of us are deeply indoctrinated into rugged individualism, but you don’t have to carry this yourself. I’ve heard Daniel (the founder and director here at Ancestral Medicine) share this metaphor that I really love: if you’re standing in a pool and lightning strikes, yikes! If you’re standing in the ocean and lightning strikes, it’s going to be a different experience.
I invite you to explore the idea of an extended or distributed nervous system with your ancestors. They’re like: “It’s us. We’re always here. You’re never alone, even when the room looks empty.” You just maybe have to learn how to feel or sense them.
Soul healing rituals for grief and loss
Coregulate with the ancestors: A great place to start is to just close your eyes and say some words out loud. What is on your heart? What can you not tell someone else because it might be too much or too vulnerable?
You can also practice this with the other-than-humans. The trees, birds, dirt, stars, and the moon can steady you. It’s possible to orient to the well and bright ancestors of a place (the landcestors). Just make sure when leaning on the human ancestors that you’re inviting the support of those who are already healed and at peace.
Tell it to the waters: the ocean, river, pond, or lake. If you don’t have any of those, turn on the shower and tell it to the waters you know. Or to the rain, ice, and snow.
Griefwalking: One of my tried and true practices is griefwalking. This is simply a ritual name for walking. When I feel a tidal wave of grief coming, or even if I am already in the throes of the wave, I go for a walk. I try to go unplugged: no music or podcasts. Movement, presence, and a change of scenery are the important bits. If walking isn’t available, you can go for a drive or take a subway, bus, train, or ferry ride while consciously carrying an intent to release as you move.
Essential elements of a grief ritual
Grieving is a learnable skill. I invite you to be open to exploring and discovering how you can create your own rituals for times of loss and pain. A general recipe is: sound + movement + a witness + an ending:
Sound can include: crying, sighing, growling, hissing, heavy breathing, laughing, singing, moaning.
Movement might be: rolling around, shaking your hands, punching a pillow, splashing in water, stomping your feet, circling your hips, gently rocking side to side.
A witness: your well and healed ancestors, a pet, a trusted friend, a pine tree in the forest.
An ending could look like: blowing out a candle, washing your hands or face, taking a shower, changing your clothes, going to a different room, or clapping your hands three times.
Keep the experience within a range you can tolerate, and define a clear ending to the time of active processing.
Start with a minute or two and then work your way up. The goal is to be able to function after, even if you feel more tired or raw than usual.
The ancestors are begging us: don’t hold the grief in. Don’t swallow it down. Don’t get busy and distracted. More urgently: don’t be scared. Let it out. Of course if you feel completely overwhelmed over time, it’s great to also reach out for additional support and seek to be able to function in your daily life. And remember that you bless the earth you walk on with your grief.
Slowly, or all at once.
Again and again.
More. More. More.
To exhaust yourself from grieving is a sacred expenditure in exchange for more love.
For more exploration with soul healing rituals for grief and loss, check out these self-paced on-demand courses from Ancestral Medicine:
- Suicide, Ancestral Healing and Community Care: Ritual care in times of rupture with Julia Hartsell and Daniel Foor
- Practices for Grieving and Heartache: Consciously Navigating the Unavoidable
- Care for the Dead and Dying: Teachings and Practices for Conscious Transitions
- Rituals for Healing Trauma: Healing Trauma through Ritual and Ancestral Wisdom
