Simple practices to stay connected
Maybe you’ve read the book, taken the course, or done some sessions. Or maybe you want to know where to begin. At its core, ancestral healing is about coming into a deep relationship with your ancestors. Just like developing any relationship, this requires care and attention. These are practices for connecting, deepening, and working with your ancestors in daily life.
Home altars and daily offering practice
It can be helpful, especially at first, to have a physical place for your ancestors’ energy to be focused. An altar can be anything: a shelf, table, windowsill, cabinet, drawer of a dresser, or the mantle of a fireplace. Your sincere intent is more important than anything elaborate or expensive.
I begin each day with changing the water on my ancestral altar: I pour the prior day’s water outside–returning it back to the Earth–refill the vessel, set it back on the altar, and say “Good morning. Thank you. I love you.”
Daily conversation
While it’s welcome to bring Big Asks (health/wealth/love, etc.) to our ancestors, inviting their guidance and opinions on Small Asks is equally welcome. Inviting the ancestors into your daily routine and consulting with them on micro-decisions develops your intuitive perception and strengthens your relationship. You might like to ask your ancestors:
- How much more salt does this recipe need?
- Should I go do this social thing or stay home and rest?
- I have 30 minutes of free time, how should I spend it?
Cooking with the ancestors
Asking the ancestors for specific feedback while cooking is a sweet and intimate gesture. Preparing ancestral recipes—whether passed down or discovered through regional ties—can unlock deeper connections, especially as more senses are engaged. Even if you don’t have recipes from your lineage, cooking something traditional to where your people come from can open pathways for working with your ancestors in daily life.
Dream connection
The dreamspace is one of the most common points of ancestral contact. You can ask a question right before bed and see what comes in your dreams. Some questions to ask your ancestors to explore in your dreams:
- What is important for me to know about this lineage?
- How did this lineage relate with the sacred?
- How can I best let the ripples of this healing work spread in my life?
Things to be mindful of when working with ancestors in daily life
We are not simply at the whim of our ancestors. Just like, ideally, we’re not at the whim of any other living person either. Don’t lose your sovereignty. Remember that if you never say no, as a result, your yes loses its potency. Your ancestors might want you to put a raw fish on your altar and leave it for 3 days. You can absolutely push back and say something like, “How about I cook the fish, leave it on the altar overnight, and offer it to the land in the morning?” Just leave space for their echo back! Remember that all ancestral opinions are always up for negotiation, and there will be endless opportunities to practice sacred negotiation.
It’s important to be mindful of reciprocity. No need to make a big deal about it being an exact equal split of giving and receiving, or talking and listening. As we bring our ancestors into daily life, it’s good to track if you are also being vulnerable. With anyone you’re getting to know, if all you ever do is talk about yourself and ask for reflections about yourself, well, that feels unbalanced and gets a little old for the person you’re relating with. It’s also good form to ask questions and leave space for them to share and express as well.
Tending to our ancestral healing though daily relating with our ancestors doesn’t have to be a big deal. It doesn’t have to become a focus or an obsession. You don’t even have to tell anyone that you are doing it.
